


Lemon Honey Chamomile

by mtrssmustdie



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drabble, Ficlet, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Short One Shot, ineffable boyfriends, just so so soft, mentions of adam, short fic, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 06:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19762453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mtrssmustdie/pseuds/mtrssmustdie
Summary: Crowley has an emotional barrier that stop him from telling Aziraphale "i love you".





	Lemon Honey Chamomile

Crowley is not very good at showing his feelings. Don’t get me wrong, he feels _a lot._ But there always was some kind of barrier right there. Machiavelli once said it’s better to be feared than loved. Well, Crowley wasn’t sure if it was better, but for him it was definitely easier. Being a demon means that you’re supposed to be hated and feared and those things don’t really require a lot of demonstrating your feelings anyway. Being a demon also means that you are alone. It means that you don’t love and are not loved.

When Crowley’s sad, he needs to suck it up. When he’s happy, he’s got no one to share. Even during his most miserable nights, not only alone but feeling really lonely, there wasn’t much he could do. It’s in his nature to be hated and feared.

That’s why he loves Aziraphale so much. Aziraphale is made of love. He is entirely love and that was the reason he gave away his sword in the first place. Crowley realizes he loves Aziraphale, but the wall he built around his own feelings is too high and too thick.

But, for the first time, Crowley feels like what they have, even if it’s messed up, is the reason he’s gonna wreck that wall. And it only took the almost end of the world for him to realize that.

Crowley has some kind of emotional barrier and that’s why Aziraphale was the first one to say i love you. Crowley didn’t say it back and the reason wasn’t because he didn’t love Aziraphale. He did. He loved Aziraphale so much.

When Aziraphale tells him that, Crowley’s heart melts a little. He feels like he’s home after months away, he feels full, warm. He does love Aziraphale and desperately want to tell him that!!! But he doesn’t.

The barrier he put around himself stops him from saying it (even though he really feels that way and he really wants to tell Zira).

It’s a slow process, to destroy that barrier. He put that up so many years ago. It was protection. But what’s the point of living your life without any risks?

Crowley wanted to say it so many times.

When they wake up at Aziraphale’s and he’s cuddling with his angel, almost if they’re only one. Aziraphale says he has been up for a while but he knew Crowley was tired and didn’t want to wake Crowley up.

When Adam visits them and he tells about school and about the Them and Aziraphale just sits there listening to the boy.

The time they slept at Crowley’s instead of Aziraphale’s and he sees Aziraphale talking to his plants.

Everyday when Aziraphale is just being his normal self, because to Crowley, Aziraphale’s perfect.

Every movie night; every rushed lunch; every dinner date.

Crowley loves Aziraphale more each day.

So many times he felt the urge to say it and felt the words coming up to his throat, only to choke on them and change the subject awkwardly.

One night Aziraphale is lying on the sofa with his eyes closed, but awake. Crowley’s making some tea for them. Lemon honey chamomile for a good night sleep. Crowley approaches the sofa and runs his hand through Aziraphale’s hair, thinking he’s asleep already. Crowley knows what he feels is real. And reciprocate. It has been for years.

But then again, time really moves differently when you’re immortal. He can’t remember the last time he felt so warm, so loved. But he still can’t say it out loud. So right now he does the next best thing: a kiss on Aziraphale’s forehead and a whisper. _I love you, Aziraphale,_ says the whisper. No one heard that, Crowley thinks Aziraphale’s asleep. Aziraphale needs to hold himself from smiling because he knows Crowley isn’t ready to say this to his conscious self and he thinks he’s asleep and he wants to respect that. He wants to give Crowley all the time he need to deal with that emotional barrier, because after all, he loves Crowley as much as Crowley loves him.


End file.
